Remembrance and Reconciliation

From very early on in my life, Easter has held certain significance to me. It was a special holiday in our home, celebrated in traditional ways acclimated to suit our little family. I have so many wonderful memories surrounding the holy days of our celebration of Christ's resurrection... I don't want to forget a single one.

My earliest memories of Easter are a bit veiled by the passage of time... blending together somewhat like colors blurring on an egg. I remember going to church, and dressing up, and knowing that it was a special day, even if I didn't fully understand why. I remember decorations of crosses, and white lilies, posters and pictures of a laughing Jesus, Jesus with his lap full of children, and my most favorite image being one of Resurrected Jesus talking to Mary in the garden. To this day, the though of Jesus first appearing to womankind in a beautiful early morning garden, in His death-conquering glory, and soothing the woman's grief... it's a thought almost too beautiful to bear. Oh, that I had been Mary on that day!

As I grew older and began to understand the miracles behind the story of Easter, the memories of our celebrations become clearer and more important to me. I remember painting Easter eggs with water colors with my sister and our cousins... my favorite egg being the one painted with a small green hillside, three crosses upon the hillside, and a rainbow. The promises of God, in His Son... Yes, and Amen! So much significance in a rainbow... so much significance in the cross!

In our family I was the second child, so though I don't really remember being overly distraught about it, I am sure that much of the clothing I wore was handed down to me from my older sister and cousins. We were not a well-to-do family, though in my mind we were always well-off because we had plenty of what was important to me - play, fun, imagination, love, food, books and sleep. For Easter, though, I remember several years where I got to go out on special shopping excursions with either mom or dad and pick out a new, store bought dress to wear for the occasion. I remember those dresses vividly! The first one I picked out with my dad. We went to Fashion Valley, back when it had a McDonald's on the ground floor. I know this because we ate at McDonald's. I am guessing we bought the dress at JC Penny, and it was blue and pink and yellow and green, a floral patterned cotton dress, with the entire bodice sewn into little horizontal pleats, like a washboard. It had a large white collar, and a sash, and fastened with buttons in the back. I loved that dress, mostly for the fact that it was different than most other dresses. I was probably five when we got that dress, the same age Leah is now.

The next dress I remember picking out was with my mom, and Abby as a toddler was along for the trip. I was in third grade. I passed over all the pastel, floral, foofy dresses in favor of a black and white knit dress with a knee length straight skirt, "wings" on the hips (remember those anyone?) and a kind of marble pattern to the fabric. I remember my mom asking me if I was sure I wanted that dress, because it wasn't very "spring" ish, but I said I was sure I wanted it... because it was different. :-) Mom then pointed out that the black and white of the dress was symbolic for passing from death to life in Christ - and therefore fitting for Easter. I'm not sure if she was trying to convince herself or me of that, but at any rate, the logic seemed fine to me, so we got the dress, Daddy approved of it, and I wore it proudly to church on Easter Sunday. Several classmates in Mr. and Mrs. Hastings' third and fourth grade Sunday school class commented on my "different" dress, but I didn't care. I loved it.

I also remember a dress with butterfly sleeves (see above, circa 1986), and a yellow dress. But my favorite dress of all was the pink dotted swiss with the white sailor collar. I think I was 9 for that dress. It was another I picked out with my mom... that day I tried on many dresses, most of them foofy and silky ones, and I recall my mom telling me in the dressing room that I could have whichever one I liked the best. I liked the pink dotted swiss dress the best, but I thought I couldn't have it because it was more expensive than the others. Mom said "If that's the one you like the best, you may have it." I remember her smiling so big to be able to buy me such a dress. I remember feeling like an absolute princess to be given such a beautiful dress that I loved so much. It wasn't as fancy as the others, but it was so me. My parents sure knew how to make their daughters feel like princesses, even princesses who prefer black and white or boring old dotted swiss over flowers, crinoline and foof.

What a good example of Christ my parents were to me. God knows what we really want deep in our hearts, and what is really good for us may not be the best for someone else, or the most popular, or the foofy-est thing, but it is our heart's desire, and His heart's desire to give it to us. What joy He must feel to be able to treat His children to beautiful things that are just right for them. How rich we really are in His love.

But enough about dresses... that is certainly not all I remember about Easter!

I remember the special choir performances put on by our church. I went one year just with my dad - a daddy/daughter date. I remember the dresses the choir wore (of course!) and though I don't recall all the details of the production they put on I do recall being profoundly moved by the reading, acting and singing portraying the death, burial and resurrection of Christ. I was perhaps 7 or 8 at the time. This is probably when I really started to feel the compelling love of Christ in my heart, and a personal devotion to Him as my Lord and Savior. Easter wasn't just about the eggs, flowers, bunnies, or treats... or the dresses... it was about Jesus dying on the cross for MY sins, and forgiving me, so I could live forever with Him.

I remember baking a cake one Easter and decorating it with a pipe-cleaner handle wrapped in white ribbon, coconut dyed green for grass, and jelly bean eggs - making it an Easter basket cake. I remember hand-drawing Easter cards with a cross and a white lily to send to my aunts and grandparents. I remember special meals cooked with mom and sisters, and enjoyed together as a family. I remember church egg hunts, tissue paper mosaic crosses, crosses made with burnt-out matches, all sorts of crafts and activities commemorating the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus.

These things are important to do with our children. They remember them!

As I became an adult, I remember feeling somewhat disenfranchised with the Easter celebration. With no parents to steer the celebration in the right direction, the day seemed to fall flat and lack meaning for me. My first Easter away from home I wore a new blue and white dress and my boyfriend wore a blue shirt, and we looked so nice together, but we only looked nice on the outside. We ate dinner at TGI Fridays and church was a total loss that day. There really was no celebration. The next year I didn't have a church to call home or a family of believers to celebrate with... and the year after that I was 2k miles away from "home" and knew no one but my coworkers and my fiance, and had no one to celebrate Easter with. That was a very sad Easter for me. I made a pot roast dinner for two, which we ate in front of a Dune marathon on the sci-fi network. There was no church, no cross, no lilies, no new dress, no flowers, no eggs, no foof, no nothing. After dinner I went for a walk to the cemetery and cried among the tombstones. How I wish I had heard the angels say "He is not here, He is risen!" but I did not even acknowledge that what I was missing was HIM, not the eggs or flowers or the new dress or my family. Take away the traditions, take away the family, take away the meaning, and what have you got? A special day without any special, a day meant for hope without any hope.

That sad Easter was ten years ago this year. I have had quite a few sad Easters in between then and now, and some not so sad, but only one full of meaning until this year.

Last year we started attending church again. While I will definitely be the first to say that God does not live at church and you do not have to go to church to meet God, I will also be the first to say that a life without church participation in it is a sad life! You can take the pomp and tradition out of Easter and leave the meaning in, but celebrating the meaning with the pomp and tradition is so much more memorable and significant, at least to me. Last year we had some of the tradition, and some of the meaning back in our lives. By the grace of God, through the course of last year, our lives in Him were restored and our feet found the firm, solid ground of the narrow path. The narrow path is not restrictive. It is freeing. In it there is safety, there is joy, there is purpose and meaning... and in it there is tradition and meaning for our celebrations. It's no wonder God told the Israelites to remember significant things with feasts and celebrations. It's the way we people were created to be!

So all of these memories are swirling around in my heart this year as we are preparing to celebrate Easter as a whole family - a family that is wholly together, thanks be to God, and a family that is whole in Christ, who died for our sins and rose again, defeating death and sin, and giving to us the grace to believe in Him for forgiveness of sins and eternal life. There is MUCH meaning in this year's Easter celebration for us. We are forgiven. We are redeemed. We have relationships with Christ who died to save us. We have a huge reason to wear new dresses, eat fun food, decorate, hide and hunt for eggs, and celebrate the cross and the spring, which comes again after the winter every year, reminding us of the faithfulness of our God who brings us newness of life after we've virtually died in the desolation of our own sinful souls.

Thanks be to God!

This year my girls have pretty new dresses to wear to church on Sunday, and it was a joyful thing for their mama to be able to buy them... even dresses with horses on them for girls who, like their mama, like to be different. This year my husband and I have new clothes to wear spiritually as well. We have been washed clean by the blood of the Lamb. My husband will even be baptised this Sunday, to publically profess his faith and signify his being washed clean in Christ! What more meaning could you ask for on such a beautiful holiday as this? Bring on the eggs, the flowers, the bunnies, the Cross... we have so much to celebrate!