They're probably there every day - in fact, I know they are - but some days I wallow around in my self and miss the very obvious gifts God is giving me.
He tells me he delights in me.
And then sends me tangible proof a few hours later, so I will believe it.
This might sound crazy, but I've been practicing walking with God on purpose. Like, he's in me and with me all the time, right? That's scriptural. But do I act like it? Not without effort, I don't. So I'm making the effort.
I wake up - and as a side note, I have noticed that I always wake up right when I need to, alarm clock or no alarm clock. Some time ago I tried asking God to wake me up at the right time every day and do you know he did, without fail?! - Anyway, so today, I wake up. I think - Jesus. Not in a negative way, either. He's here, with me. Hi! The thought brings me unexplainable joy, especially since the girls are bickering in their room already and it's not even light outside yet. I'm in the process of getting quickly dressed, calling out to Leah to stop whatever she's doing that is making Susie cry, and praying simultaneously for grace.
He gives it, of course - I don't loose my temper. I don't even feel that old welling of temper that needs to be quelled. I'm simply peaceful.
Coffee - on. I didn't buy any last week because we're on a budget and there wasn't room for more coffee in the budget. And now the can of Folgers is empty. But I find a sample packet in the spare microwave - the one above the stove that doesn't work, where I keep the bread and tortillas - and it's enough for today. And tomorrow I can buy more coffee.
It's the little things.
We play, we read, we watch a movie. Thursdays are our quiet days at home. I let the dogs out, I let the dogs in. I put the laundry in, I take the laundry out. I think, I read, I pray.
Some people I know are in India right now, ministering to believers there in the slums. There is a group of new believers there that are getting baptized this week. Signs are going up around their village that say "Christians NOT welcome here". I am praying. God is here with me and there with them, too. I thank him for the relative ease in which I live out my faith, and ask for strength for my brothers and sisters on the other side of the globe who do not have this ease.
They are the most excellent ones.
Early afternoon the girls are getting tired of the inside so I propose a walk, which is met by enthusiastic cheers from the girls and barking from the collie. The shepherd puppy merely lifts an eyelid and then drifts back to sleep. This is her nap time.
It's low forties outside, a little windy though. We bundle up. The dog is so excited he actually trots a bit - he's old, and this is the most excitement he's had in ages. One, two, three - we're off! Leah and Susie in the lead.
Pure joy bubbles up from deep inside. I thank God for giving me this simple time. So often I'm chafing against boredom or feeling less than fulfilled in what little I actually have to do in life right now. But I know it's my season of rest - my Sabbath season - and my Creator knows what I need.
Then I see my girls racing along in front of me, and my happiness turns into full on laughter. Leah has brought along a large wicker basket with which to collect big rocks to take home and draw faces on. We already have a menagerie of such rocks... what's a few more?
Susie has in one hand a bona fide magic wand which she's using exuberantly on every remaining vestige of icy-crusted snow, "Hi-ya! Hi-ya!," and in the other hand her little Rapunzel doll swings freely by the end of her very long hair. Noses are pink and blonde hair is blowing in the wind. Susie bellows out "R-E-S-C-U-E, RESCUE AID SOCIETY!" and Leah rears back and whinnies a terrifying whinny before dashing off with the battle cry of "Ponyta!!!"
What, your kids don't do this too?
I'm just grinning now, not even caring that it's cold. The breeze blows clouds across the sky and the sun shines through for a bit, right on us. Warms me up. A bird sings. I catch a glimpse of water droplets hanging off hundreds of tiny needles on a blue spruce, reflecting the light of the sun. I think - Creator God. Infinitely creative and infinitely generous!
If only we would see him - really see him - in this light.
We walk the long loop around the block, stopping once or twice to have epic Pokemon battles in various yards that Leah has deemed perfect for arena battling. Leah changes which Pokemon she is every few minutes. Susie is always Butterfree. The large wicker basket is now in my charge and I have governing power over Rapunzel, Magic Wand, a dozen or so rocks and a bag of dog waste, responsible pet owner that I am. And this whole time I'm thinking about Jesus being in me and with me. And then Susie comes up and says "Hey mom, can I pee on the grass?" and I decide it's time to head for home.
Fully human is he, you know. And fully divine. Someday I'll get what that all means, but for today it's enough to understand that he may or may not have asked his mom if he could pee on the grass, but it's a guarantee that his mom looked at him and saw a gift from God.
This day was a beautiful day.
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