List Making, and My Bad Attitude

Oh, I know. I've been pretty quiet lately.

This summer... not my favorite summer on record. I really do a lot better with an enforced routine, and I am not at all good at enforcing a routine for no good reason. I need a good reason - like school or work or obligations. Summertime, with its long days obligation free... it is too loosey-goosey for me.

And it has been so, so hot. Normally, I like hot. But not this hot. It's Africa Hot. I laughingly told someone the other day "I didn't move to Michigan so I could live in Arizona!" ha ha ha.  It is hard to play outside with little kids when it is this hot, and playing outside with my kids is my parenting sweet spot. Take that away and I don't know what to do so much... I don't have the imagination to play indoors all day long - never have, probably never will. :-)

Anyway, so I got tired of moping about being bored and cooped up inside. I tried an old trick my mom used to have me do when I was a kid - I made a list of things I "needed" to do this week. This list has things like "Clean the back bathroom" on it, but it also has things like "Go swimming with the Buellers" and "Finish 10 scrapbook pages". The trick with a to-do list is to put fun things on it along with the necessary things. So far, and it's only Tuesday, the list is 2/3rd's complete.

I may need to amend my list.

I don't know why making a list works for me, because I KNOW I am the one who wrote it, and none of it is compulsory. I could override my list at any time. But then I would have an un-crossed-off list, and that would be a mark of failure now, wouldn't it be? Aha. There's why this works for me.

In an effort to combat my bad attitude about life, I spent some time in prayer the other night, thanking God for the good things. Don't go thinking I'm all that spiritual or anything - I had a bad attitude and was pretty un-repentant about it. There is nothing like forcing yourself through thank-you's when you don't feel thankful, in the listening presence of a loving and holy God. I'm pretty sure God had a bemused smirk in my direction on his beautiful face. But I know this is the proscribed medicine for an ungrateful heart, which is why I was proverbially sitting on the stool in the kitchen pouting, holding the big silver spoon, and he was standing there leaning against the kitchen sink with his arms folded across his chest waiting for me to take it like a big girl.

So here's the second list. The Good Things list. The I'm Thankful For list...

• Our wonderful house. It might smell like old dog and stinky garbage disposal, but it keeps up with the heat and we are cool inside it. It is a grand, comfortable house that loves us back. Leah's BFF Elijah was here a few weeks ago, and as the kids ran around the house like crazy I overheard him say "This is a huge house!" which it's not, really. But it's laid out well for running around, and I can see why a six year old would think it's huge. So thank you, God, for our huge, cool, loving, stinky, comfortable house. 
• Late evening bike rides with my daughters. Being able to pedal up the really big hill so we can coast down it super fast. Real relationships with my girls. Fun times with each of their distinct and wonderful personalities. God, I can see why you wanted to hang with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day. It's a good time to hang with your children. Thank you. 
• A really good book I read recently. A book that made me love God more. A book that made God more real to me than before. 
• Wisdom from God that answered a prayer. There was something I couldn't figure out that had been bothering me for years. I prayed about it. I told God it bothered me, even though it wasn't a huge deal... I just couldn't figure out what to do to fix it. And then later that day something happened that led to me doing some internet research, which lead me to stumble upon something I had not heard of before that is very clearly the answer to my question. If I did not believe in God, I would just think I had figured something out, how smart am I? But because I do believe in God, and had just asked him about this, finding the answer maybe 6 hours later shows me God is there, he is listening, he is involved! Faith. 
• Leah's facial expressions. I was working on the scrapbook from when Leah was a year old. In it there are two pictures perfectly capturing a certain face Leah makes, and STILL makes exactly the same way to this day. It's her "I'm gonna get you for this!" face. I imagine her making that exact same face at sixteen years old and it makes me laugh. 
• Susie's recent obsession with tights. On Sunday, she asked to wear tights. Remember, it's Africa Hot here. I asked her why she wanted to wear tights, and she said "Because they make me feel all cozy inside!" But alas, we didn't have any tights that fit her anymore, tights being mostly a wintertime thing... so as I wrote out my grocery list yesterday, she reminded me at least 10 times to put "Tights for Susie" on my list. When I left to go to the store, she called out "Don't forget - Tights for Susie!" and when I came home from the store "Did you get my tights?!!" Yes, honey, I got your tights! 3 for $6 at Target - white, black AND pink! So last night, after a bath, Susie insists on getting dressed in her pink tights and her new foofy pink dress Grammy bought her at a garage sale last week. Just to prance around the house. She felt all cozy inside and was the happiest princess in pink tights I've ever seen. God, thank you for giving me a little girl who is so delighted with simple things like tights. 
• We fixed the dryer exhaust vent (which goes all the way across our basement ceiling.) It had been up there since the house was built in the early 80's, and somewhere along the way, probably when the house was vacant before we bought it, squirrels (or something!) moved in to the vent and built a nice nest. We didn't know this was the problem, we only knew it stunk and wasn't "venting" properly. So we took it down, cleaned up the mess, and put up a new one. And now our clothes dry in an amazingly short amount of time and don't stink when they're done, either. Thank you God for another problem fixed. 
• And, finally, thank you God for peace about school. It seems so simple, now, the answer to my school conundrum. I spent so much time and energy worrying through that problem... and now that we've come to the decision we've come to, it just feels so peaceful and so right. And one of Leah's classmates from last year is going to be in her class at her new school this year, even! So cool. Thank you. 

I'm noticing a re-occuring theme to my thankful list - answered prayers, specifically for wisdom and understanding. So often we pray for what we consider "big" things - healing, finances, salvation. And we just muddle through the "little" things on our own. My thankful list challenges me to pray about everything - to ask God for advice, for encouragement, for wisdom and understanding. And then understand that when "I figure" something out, it's him. When "I fix" something, it's him. When "I get" something, it's him. When "I delight" in something, it's him. When "I" anything, it's him, because without him, "I" am nothing. :-)